Jim and Bonny Gone Wild: Top 10by Adam & Lara on 11/28/10
Now that Jim and Bonny are back in the safe and caring hands of the good ol' US (we hear there is a Tea Party going on there - sounds neat!) we can sit back and take a look at the top 10 definining moments of their visit.
1. Doubtful Sound(ly asleep)
Boating through a dramatic and pristine fjord evokes thrill, wonder, amazement and if you're Bonny, narcolepsy.
Jet lag is a bitch, especially when you're in the company of people who will shamelessly taunt you for it.
2. Meat the Parents
There used to be 5 food groups until we ate one of them at Lara's restaurant.
That poor bib didn't even know what was comin'.
3. Catching Fish (in the singular form)
Adam and Jim spend a day on the rivers outside of Queenstown with a flyfishing guide. Jim caught a 4lb. trout, then dropped it before we could get a decent picture of it. This gave Adam something to tease Jim about, which worked out great because Adam caught jack shit.
Even if you don't catch any fish, hiring a guide is like insurance that protects you from helplessly standing around looking like a monkey f*cking a football. And for all you potty mouth disapprovers, that's Jim's expression.
The four of us were wine tasting (acutally, it was closer to wine bonging) in Gibbson Valley when a freakishly large swarm of bees came out of nowhere and formed into a Bieber-hairdoo-like ball in the branches of a nearby tree.
When teased and agitated, this colony of bees can collectively deliver a dose of venom that is as lethal as Justin Bieber's actual hairdoo (also when teased and agitated).
5. The Bruce is Loose!
At Bruce Bay we set up a rock shrine to our aweseome selves. But it wasn't right to pay homidge to us without including my sister Anna and her fiance Anna. And it wasn't right to include them without including their pets. And it wasn't right to include their pets without including their dead androgynous fish.
It was a slippery slope, but we carried through with it because rocks are super cheap in New Zealand.
6. Adam Makes Fun of Jim
This happened a bunch of times, but this time was particularly funny (because Adam was wearing Jim's jacket) and awesome (because we were near a glacier).
Hahaha, Jim reads things. Who does that?!
7. N0 F00lin'
It is painfully evident that the New Zealand Department of Conservation ran out of O's awhile back. Their resourceful solution was to slap in a zero here and there and hope that nobody would notice. Yeah, sounds good and and all, but guess what - ADAM NOTICED. Idiots.
Supp now, Department of Conservation? Did it hurt when I hit you with 4 years of highschool yearbook proofreading? Stupids.
8. Rapahoe Beach Projects
We stayed at a motor camp on Rapahoe Beach. Our accomodation consisted of a trailer set up on cinderblocks with a wooden shed built off the side of it. Surprisingly we had zero domestic disturbances throughout the night.
Lara took to the trailer park lifestyle quite well, totally taking all pressure off of Adam to do something with his life.
9. Bonny Takes The High Road
Some mothers have kids and spend the rest of their lives wondering why the hell they ever did that. Bonny Saraceno only spent 28 years wondering.
If the benefit of procreating is not immediately obvious to you, just think about what it will be like 28 years later when you're hiking across an estuary in the Abel Tasman National Park when the tide is coming in.
10. Lara Forever
Our waiter in Picton had Lara's name tattoed on his arm. In Adam's book that is an inexcusable bro-foul.
Whatever bro, she digs Jewish guys.
Come to think of it, those actually weren't the top 10 moments.