THIS JUST IN: We're taking a vacation.
by Adam & Lara on 03/21/12Alas, living on Easey Street has taken it's toll. We're up to our marsupiums in naked bike rides, yoga classes, all-female recreational squash leagues and all those other stressful realities of everyday life. HOLIDAY TIME!
We're going on a trip. First to the Great Ocean Road, then to Tasmania, and then to Western Australia. We'll be gone for 2 weeks with limited access to email and voicemail. If we owe you anything, Jim Saraceno is the guy you're looking for.
We're also looking forward to seeing this guy:
Fig.1: THE SHANE TRAIN
Fig. 2: August A. Busch VI
But seriously though, Adam didn't hang out exclusively with douchebags in high school.
Consider this our out-of-office message.
And now for the full frontal nudity you've been waiting for!
by Adam & Lara on 03/19/12If you're reading this blog you're probably friends with Adam and Lara on Facebook. This post is for you. But before we get to the MANY PHOTOS OF NAKED HUMANS we'd like to have some words with those of you who aren't friends on Facebook...
- If you're not our friend but you're on Facebook, then you probably got here by Googling our names, in which case we know you're after us and we've already cancelled our credit card and moved to Australia. Furthermore, we don't think we should be obliged to pay $9.99/month because your magazine insert clearly said "10 casette tapes for the price of 1 with nothing else to buy EVER."
- If you're our friend but you're not on Facebook all we can say to you is that your judgement day will come, John Stanley.
- If you're our friend but not familiar with Facebook, then hello Grandpa Ernie and Grandma Dot! You can get to The Facebook by creating a new Microsoft Works document, typing "www.facebook.com," pressing the spacebar until the text turns blue, and then moving your pointer arrow over it and clicking the mouse button.
Anyways, our Facebook friends have recently seen some pictures containing more than just Adam's face. Namely his nasty bits, raucous regions, and/or party parts:
Those are 40 oz cans. Think about it.
A couple weeks ago, Adam participated in the Melbourne installation of the World Naked Bike Ride, called As Bare As You Dare. And if you know him well you can understand why this is right up his alley, since it's a hybrid of the two pastimes he loves the most: riding bicycles and exposing his genitals to thousands of complete strangers.
The best part was that you didn't even have to ride your bicycle the whole time.
The event was a demonstration meant to increase the public's awareness of cyclists on the roads. Come to find out, the subset of the public willing to ride a bicycle around buck-ass naked is also the same subset of the public who will happily protest just about anything. Hence we protested against cars, fossil fuels, nuclear energy, pollution, war, consumerism, negative bodily image, and de facto anybody trying to enjoy a sausage or calamari dish on Brunswick Street between 3pm and 5pm.
To answer the question I know you're thinking... it just sort of hangs out on whichever side of the seat God wants it to.
Embarrassment is not a concern when you're wearing a chick-piece.
300 people were bumpin' uglies on the streets of Melbourne, just not with each other.
Going stark naked was not the only option - some girls covered themselves with mud and some guys covered themselves with obvious overcompensation.
More Saraceno party parts here.
Happy Presidents Day!
by Adam & Lara on 02/20/12
Happy Presidents Day folks! After the big holiday season it's refreshing to be celebrating our first big secular holiday of the year - a day when we honor the people who have led our great country through ideals rooted in philosophy and logic instead of religious doctrine. After all, how could a melting pot like the United States ever be driven by the influence of a single religion? For Christ's sake, look at the colorful diversity of our 44 presidents - we got Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Baptists, Methodists, Quakers, Dutch Reformed (I didn't forget you, Marty Van-Bizzle) and even one wacky Catholic!
We thought that you might like to know what they think of Big-B Obamatron over in this part of the world. They like him. Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard likes him too. Sources say she like-likes him. Here's what the Melbourne Herald Sun had to say about Obama's visit in November:
Julia Gillard and Barack Obama are a touchy pairing. Their hands, like disembodied life forms, seek out the other's shoulders and backs. When such targets are out of reach, digits settle on forearms or the nearest available body part.
We can't legally quote the rest of the article because Intuit Websites hosting service doesn't allow pornographic content. But you can read it here.
'Stralyah Day
by Adam & Lara on 02/19/12Happy 'Stralyah Day everybody! We're pleased to be popping yet another fresh blog post out of the oven, a mere 5 weeks after our last blog post. Needless to say we're on fire right now. We're birthing so much nascent material from our brains that perhaps we should consider stuffing some Bayer Aspirin deep within the folds of our cerebellum (Lara and Adam share a singular).
"'Stralyah Day" is how they say Australia Day in these parts. Here is some other weird shit that comes out of people's mouths here:
- Mate (friend)
- Bogan (redneck)
- Root (hump; do the nasty; engage in baby-mekkin practice)
- Pissed (drunk)
- Budgie Smugglers (men's Speedo)
'Stralyah Day is a national holiday that every Australian celebrates and no Australian can tell you what they're actually celebrating. According to Wikipedia it's the anniversary of the day that the British put a flag up (they used to LOVE doing that) in Sydney and proclaimed that they owned specifically all the nice parts of this landmass.
In modern times, you celebrate 'Stralyah day by sitting around in your budgie smugglers and getting so pissed with your mates that you end up rooting some bogan that you meet at the park.
A beah bong? That's a funny noime for a thing loike that. Oid'a called it a Pissery-Doo.
'Stralyah Day was especially poignant for the Kiwis, who grow up amidst a heated rivalry. Tom was particularly overcome by the better pies versus better coffee debate (he maintains that New Zealand wins on both levels), and eventually fainted from emotional exhaustion.
Our full 'Stralyah Day photo essay can be seen here.
Oh Shit We're Awesome Again
by Adam & Lara on 01/09/12Since we left New Zealand we've been meandering around aimlessly trying to rekindle the blogworthyness of our previous lives. We used to climb volcanoes and jump off bridges and all sorts of other crazy shit. For Christ's sake, we ZORBed.
These days things have slowed down a bit. We just spent 45 minutes scouring Flickr for the craziest thing we've done in the past 10 months, and this is what we came up with:
Excuse me ma'am, you're driving on the wrong side of the bridge. Wait a sec, YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE ON THIS BRIDGE! WOAAOAOAOH!
Ahh, that was neat. But just not the same kind of neat you've come to expect from a couple of floor-humping, lamb-snugglin' earthquake survivors. And that's why we couldn't wait to tell you the great news: as of right now we are completely fucking awesome again.
You see, Lara just got a new job at a bakery. On her 3rd day of work the Fleet Foxes came in, commented on her crazy-delicious iPod selection, announced themselves as the fucking Fleet Foxes, and subsequently put us on the VIP list to get into their sold-out show. Boom goes the dynamite.
We were so close that we could literally smell the Apples in the summer, golden sweet. But then we realized that was just some weed somebody was passing around.
"Oh hey Adam and Lara, I hope you guys are comfortable in those free VIP seats. Why don't I play your favorite song next. What's that? You want us to put up a giant pulsating Incan-inspired disco light behind us? Done."
And finally, proof that we were actually there.
The rest of the pics can be seen here. For those leaving comments we just want to let you know that "jealous" is spelled the same in the Queen's English.
Mandatory Holiday Blog Post!
by Adam & Lara on 12/29/11
We really hope that you've been enjoying your Judeo-Christian holidays, and even if you're not Jewish or Christian, we hope you've enjoyed having the holidays shamelessly thrust in your face. It's not the worst thing that's been shamelessly thrust in your face, right Fogle?
Speaking of thrusting things in faces...
This stuff is kosher, right?
Either way, Adam's beard is kosher enough to let it slide. Let's talk Jeebus. We had an epic Christmas over here. Everybody got exactly what they wanted. Especially Tom.
Adam got exceptionally weird.
And Jacqui got Tom's presents that she bought for him, gun-lighter included.
Hanukkah was off the charts as well. Sans the 22 pounds of glazed ham that we ate for dinner during days 2, 4, 5 and 7, the rest of 4 crazy nights were spent in pious observation.
Poor planning forced us to spend Hanukkah just like the Maccabees of yore - huddling around a menorah made from a scotch bottle container and tea candles, wearing makeshift yarmulkes we found behind the couch. And now you, our friends, know the story of Hanukkah!
See you kids in 2012.
Meet the Easeys
by Adam & Lara on 12/18/11
We lived in New Zealand for an entire year and spent the whole time living with French Canadians, Brits, Irishmen and South Africans. We got all dressed up to go to the bar mitzvah, and when we got there we spent the entire time hanging out with Uncle Marty's shiksa girlfriend and her sons Chris and Roman.
Now that we're living in Melbourne, it's only fitting that we're sharing a house with 3 hilarious Kiwis. And now to introduce the Easey Street crew...
Jacqui likes Barbie dolls, making collages, glow sticks, candy shaped like animals and anything else that a 7-year-old girl (or a briefly confused 12-year-old Adam) loves.
Like most trans-Tasman folk-blues-fusion musicians, India is a very complex person driven by artistic passion, creative impulses and an imaginary maternal relationship with a toddler whose picture she found at a thrift store. His name is Artie by the way.
Thomas Petrie (right) is a man of contradictions: he's a horticulturalist with a voracious appetite for meat, a hip-hop lover who wears skinny jeans, and a sour cream addict who gets nightmares if he eats too much cheese. Tom wants you to know that he is now 27 and 1/2 years old.
Responsible living is always practiced on Easey Street - for example, we always have a designated biker.
Next time you're in Melbourne stop on by and meet the family!
Melbourne to Sydney on Bicycle: CHECK
by Adam & Lara on 12/16/11Per the usual, we're going to start this post out with an apology for not posting in so long. And as always, there is no good excuse for why we've been out of service - Adam just cycled 1100 km (684 mi) from Melbourne to Sydney, that's all.
Adam and Canadian friend Dan arrive at the opera house on Dec. 14th after leaving Melbourne on Dec. 3rd. Dan convinced Adam to go on this epic bike ride in the first place - yet another instance of Canadians trying to convince the world that doing outlandish things is OK (case in point: wearing a denim jacket with a denim shirt and jeans).
Once we get the pictures up we'll give you a little more detail. Until then, Adam is still trying to get caught up everything that's happened since he's been off the grid. What have you folks been up to? How are those Pujols contract negotiations going?
ELEVEN ELEVEN ELEVEN
by Adam & Lara on 11/12/11What are you doing for 11/11/11? If it's half as glorious as what we did then you, my friend, deserve a fancy wooden nickel.
The Cardinals won their 11th World Series in a legendary 7-game grind. The boys went completely berserk and celebrated like there would be no tomorrow, except for old Poops who needed his eyeballs intact for reviewing offers from the Marlins.
We drank 11 shots of Old McCallister's 7-month scotch and made 11 inanimate objects get all nasty and nekkid together.
The Easeys ate 11 pounds of kangaroo meatloaf. Picture left to right: India, Charles Manson, Tom. Imagine the meat-sweats that you'll get after eating that much roo-loaf.
Lara's spoon was too big.
And now we're off to Harvest Music Festival. You'll meet all of the Easeys in our next post.
Homeruns Coming Out the Pujols
by Adam & Lara on 10/23/11Finally Adam and Lara have their Halloween costumes picked out:
We're still deciding who will go as the pitcher and who will go as the belly-itcher.
You just can't beat watching Poops hit 3 dingers in a World Series game. That shit is ridic. Here's what it looks like to peep ridic shit in Australia:
Key to getting a bar in Melbourne to show an MLB game with the volume up: continuously order $9.60 pints.
The icing on the cake was watching the All Blacks edge out France to win the Rugby World Cup. At least Dubya can still enjoy his freedom fries.
