And now this is happening...
Back then, Lara had aspirations of becoming a world renowned romance novelist. Now she has no aspirations whatsoever.

Meet the Easeys

by Adam & Lara on 12/18/11

We lived in New Zealand for an entire year and spent the whole time living with French Canadians, Brits, Irishmen and South Africans. We got all dressed up to go to the bar mitzvah, and when we got there we spent the entire time hanging out with Uncle Marty's shiksa girlfriend and her sons Chris and Roman.

Now that we're living in Melbourne, it's only fitting that we're sharing a house with 3 hilarious Kiwis. And now to introduce the Easey Street crew...

Jacqui likes Barbie dolls, making collages, glow sticks, candy shaped like animals and anything else that a 7-year-old girl (or a briefly confused 12-year-old Adam) loves.

Like most trans-Tasman folk-blues-fusion musicians, India is a very complex person driven by artistic passion, creative impulses and an imaginary maternal relationship with a toddler whose picture she found at a thrift store. His name is Artie by the way.

Thomas Petrie (right) is a man of contradictions: he's a horticulturalist with a voracious appetite for meat, a hip-hop lover who wears skinny jeans, and a sour cream addict who gets nightmares if he eats too much cheese. Tom wants you to know that he is now 27 and 1/2 years old.

gotta love the easeys
Responsible living is always practiced on Easey Street - for example, we always have a designated biker.

Next time you're in Melbourne stop on by and meet the family!

Melbourne to Sydney on Bicycle: CHECK

by Adam & Lara on 12/16/11

Per the usual, we're going to start this post out with an apology for not posting in so long. And as always, there is no good excuse for why we've been out of service - Adam just cycled 1100 km (684 mi) from Melbourne to Sydney, that's all.

adam and dan arrive at the opera house
Adam and Canadian friend Dan arrive at the opera house on Dec. 14th after leaving Melbourne on Dec. 3rd. Dan convinced Adam to go on this epic bike ride in the first place - yet another instance of Canadians trying to convince the world that doing outlandish things is OK (case in point: wearing a denim jacket with a denim shirt and jeans).

Once we get the pictures up we'll give you a little more detail. Until then, Adam is still trying to get caught up everything that's happened since he's been off the grid. What have you folks been up to? How are those Pujols contract negotiations going?


by Adam & Lara on 11/12/11

What are you doing for 11/11/11? If it's half as glorious as what we did then you, my friend, deserve a fancy wooden nickel.

The Cardinals won their 11th World Series in a legendary 7-game grind. The boys went completely berserk and celebrated like there would be no tomorrow, except for old Poops who needed his eyeballs intact for reviewing offers from the Marlins.

We drank 11 shots of Old McCallister's 7-month scotch and made 11 inanimate objects get all nasty and nekkid together.

The Easeys ate 11 pounds of kangaroo meatloaf. Picture left to right: India, Charles Manson, Tom. Imagine the meat-sweats that you'll get after eating that much roo-loaf.

And now we're off to Harvest Music Festival. You'll meet all of the Easeys in our next post.

Homeruns Coming Out the Pujols

by Adam & Lara on 10/23/11

Finally Adam and Lara have their Halloween costumes picked out:

We're still deciding who will go as the pitcher and who will go as the belly-itcher.

You just can't beat watching Poops hit 3 dingers in a World Series game. That shit is ridic. Here's what it looks like to peep ridic shit in Australia:

Key to getting a bar in Melbourne to show an MLB game with the volume up: continuously order $9.60 pints.

The icing on the cake was watching the All Blacks edge out France to win the Rugby World Cup. At least Dubya can still enjoy his freedom fries.

It feels so good Down Under

by Adam & Lara on 10/22/11

We're not the kind of people who would go to painstaking efforts to keep up a blog for an entire year and then completely drop off the map for 2 months in the midst of one of our most blog-worthy adventures yet. That's why we're dropping this update on you, a mere 1 month and 22 days since our last post. You're completely welcome.

Anyway, we're sorry we've been silent thus far - we've been busy doing the typical immigration rigamarole... finding an apartment, getting settled in with jobs and hanging out with a hip-hop producer and badass MC.

He's staying in one of the 4-bunk dorms at our hostel, which used to be a nunnery, no big deal. He's got an apartment lined up for next month. He spends his days mixing fresh beats and smoking joints. His eyes actually do shoot laser beams. Do your eyes shoot laser beams? Perhaps that's because your beats aren't really that sick.

So anywho we're in Melbourne now, the birthplace of Australian Rules Football, which is a combination of rugby, soccer and man-hugs. Lara has gotten back into her old habits of suckling at the corporate teat, and Adam has been slanging Capture Camera Clips like his friendship with Pete depended on it (which it probably does at this point). But life on "Easy Street" won't last long - unfortunately we're leaving our hostel on Monday and moving into an apartment on Easey Street. We'll let the pictures tell the rest...

We got crap-tons of friends already, no big deal.

You get exposed to a whole new fleet of automobiles in this part of the world - from the big gay kind to the little gay kind.

It's refreshing to leave San Francisco, a town with a giant homeless problem, and arrive in Melbourne, a town with a giant black demon baby problem.

And that's that for now. Just want you to know that we are alive and doing well. It's a little bit more moist down under than we'd like it to be, but that's Spring in Melbourne for you!

And now this is finally happening again.

by Adam & Lara on 08/29/11

Sorry for sleepin' on y'alls!

after party in room 112
Shhhhh... I'm changin' the channels.

It's time to get this sappy crap basket of a blog rolling again. One more apology for the extreme lull in blog action. All of our recent action has been entirely devoted to our back sactions. Observe:

Source of action: back sactions.

We've got 2 more weddings behind our belts, both of which have forced us to buy bigger belts. We're currently living with Lara's mom Mary Jo and her borkfriend, Joe Bork, in Eden Prairie, MN. Adam is now working for Peter and his amazing technicolor Capture Camera Clip System, which is part employment and part reparation for Adam constantly ripping on Pete's antique vernacular. Most importantly, the air conditioning is working in our '91 Lexus again.

Least importantly, we're moving to f*cking Australia on October 5th. More to come on that too.

Luke Got The Klap

by Adam & Lara on 07/12/11

After several years of dabbling, Lara's brother Luke finally and irrevocably got the Klap. Chico NBC Action News Anchor Kira Klapper, that is!

luke and keeks
Luke and Keeks had their engagement picture taken 2 years ago at a b-roll video shoot for a Cialis commercial.

Luke proposed to Kira on June 25th, but he had been thinking about doing it for quite a long time.

luke & anna visit
Here he is thinking.

Kira had been thinking about the impending proposal and practicing her reaction for when the time finally came.

happy kiki
Here she is practicing.

We couldn't be happier for Luke and Keeks, and just hope that Farmer John is cool with all of this.

chico visit
Farmer John spits game while Kira searches for the panic button on her Subaru key fob. It was her only defense.

Happy 4th of July!

by Adam & Lara on 07/04/11

What is every 28-year-old's dream?

crazy pig man
If you answered "spending every single day and night with your parents for 6 weeks straight," then you are absolutely correct.

Happy 4th of July from the Saraceno house. Hooray Merikuh.

Happy Belated Canada Day and Bonne St. Jean

by Adam & Lara on 07/02/11

Happy Canada Day!

Big news this past month - Canada just got the iPhone 3G. 

Today we salute the Canadians who have made a difference in our lives.

Pat and Kim are Quebecers - a group of Canadians who speak French and are almost always willing to fight. In addition to Canada Day they celebrate La Fete de la Saint-Jean-Baptiste, a holiday where all of Quebec becomes a mosh pit at a Flogging Molly concert. In the above photo Kim is holding a Coke bottle half-filled with Captain Morgan, which is actually how Coke is packaged and sold in Quebec.
Robyn is from British Colombia, the California of Canada. If you ever meet a Canadian who is really attractive, a hippie or bat-shit crazy, there's a 75% chance that person is from BC. Robyn is a lot of the first and the second, and a little of the third. She is pictured above with her favorite Canadian rapper, Special C.

Scott is an Ontarion (Ontarioite? Ontarioso?) who enjoys downhill mountain biking, back country skiing, ultra-marathons, and other activities that would cause Adam soreness and possible dismemberment. Here he is wearing standard-issue Ontario sporting gear.

milford track milford track
Kim, Jarrett and Nikki are also Ontariosters (Ontarioats? Ontariomos?) and they walked the Milford Track with us. In the midst of a grueling 4-day fight against nature's elements they kept our hope up by preaching the values of family and tequila shots.

cirkovic circus - queenstown and beyond
And let's not forget Lara's brother Luke. Born in Ottawa, recently engaged (future post coming) Luke now sells health insurance, which is the must un-Canadian thing you could possibly do. But that's how we roll in 'Merikuh.

So thanks, Canadians. Without you there would be no Wayne's World, no Uncle Buck, and these people probably wouldn't exist either:

Show Your Tats!

by Adam & Lara on 06/09/11

The Anna's are currently wrapping up their honeymoon in Hawaii. Adam and Lara have been staying at their house and trying to reenact the 1999 Royal Rumble with their pets. But since neither of the dogs will drink and spit out fake blood we have no way of portraying Gangrel, and what is a late-90's Royal Rumble without Gangrel?

Anywho, here's what the Annas have been up to:

anna's chicken tat
Anna S. got a rooster tattooed on her back. I would say "insert cock joke here," but then I would have to say "insert cock," which makes me even more uncomfortable than making a cock joke about my sister. Note to self - don't publish jokes about cocks or inserting cocks to friends and family.

anna's goat tat
Anna V. got the traditional goat-wearing-a-Hawaiian-shirt tattoo, which has long been a tribal symbol of strength, honor and casual Fridays.

And here's what Adam and Lara have been up to:

From left to right, Mogwai, Rosie, Minky, Detective Olivia Benson, Comandah Adamah (fish). This picture was actually taken at a professional studio in front of a white screen, but the pet dander was so thick and perfectly distributed that it resembled the surroundings of the Annas' living room.

We grilled and competitively drank with Stacy and Kristal, friends who we hijacked from the Annas while they selfishly absconded to foreign lands.
IMG_3661_flip  Adam
Dressed down or up, Mogwai always looks good.

Until we post again, we just hope that you all are cherishing the present. Specifically, be grateful for how often newscasters are saying the word "weiner." It won't last forever, and you'll miss it when it's gone.

click to see older, shittier blog
Sorry for being a jerk that one time.
Back then, Adam was a baby-faced young professional. Now he is a Sasquatch-faced... well... now he's Sasquatch.
Adam and Lara used to live in San Francisco where their pathetic lives were consumed by work, boozing and jockeying for social attention.
Nowadays everything is different. They don't work nearly as much.